英语小故事5分钟幽默

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk."
"But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!"

醉酒
一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

　　
The Policeman and the Thief
Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.
The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.
Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.”

警察与小偷
一次，一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。
警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。
警察不得32313133353236313431303231363533e58685e5aeb931333264656136不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。
幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！”

附赠 http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=157224760 还有很多个

　　
Who is Stupid?

A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

谁愚蠢

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

e68a8462616964757a686964616f31333264656137小约翰尼站了起来。

　　“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

　　“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10
A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"
The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!"

The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?"

The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!"

The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?"

The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!"

总是我

一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？”

大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？”

又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。”

父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？”

大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。”

2
Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.
Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂贵的代价

牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？

牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。

3
A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.

"But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother.

"Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot.

耶稣的电视机

圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。

他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。

“可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。

“噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。

4
调查员:What is your father's name？

小弟:Happy！！

调查员:What is your mother's name？

小弟:Smile！

调查员:Are you joking？

小弟:No！！That's my sister！！ I am Kidding！！

5
业余工作

When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles.

"How was your first day?" I asked.

"It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls."

Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?"

"Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 。

钥匙还是接吻

A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。

the old cat
an old woman had a cat. the cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. one day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. but she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it.

then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. she began to hit the cat. the cat said, "do not hit your old servant. i have worked for you for many years, and i would work for you still, but i am too old. do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young."

【译文】

老猫

一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。

于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。”

　　
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzk1OTA1Mjg=.html笑的2113你5261肚4102子1653痛内容