镜子中裸体的我
1) My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
2) Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
3) Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beepAnswer，Answer Machinebeep,
4) Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets，Answer Machine。
5) Hello, this is Sally's microwave. Her answering machine just eloped（with her tape deck, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.
6) Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charitythrough their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.
7) Hi. I am probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
8) This is not an answering machine -- this is a telepathicthought- recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.：tone;beepAnswerAnswer Machinebeep。
9) Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back.
10) If you are a burglar, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't home and it's safe to leave us a message.
Fast Food Scraps Threaten Rat Plague?
Britain is facing a sharp rise in its rat population as growing numbers of people leave fast food scraps in the street, an environment group warned. Keep Britain Tidy said the rodents were abandoning their traditional haunts underground and were roaming the streets, enticed by discarded remnants of burgers, pizzas and crisps. "The rat population is on the rise and soon it'll be as common to see a rodent on our street as it is to see a dog or a cat," said group Director, Sue Nelson. The practice of dumping fast food litter and scraps on the street rather than in the trash - with young men the worst offenders - was behind the rise. According to the National Rodent Survey in 2001, Britain's rat population has grown by nearly one quarter since 1998 and is now estimated at 60 million, two million more than the human population. On average a rat can give birth every 24-28 days and just a single pair of rats can produce a colony of 2,000 a year. Around 200 Britons a year contract Weil's Disease - an infection which can lead to kidney or liver failure and eventually death and which is carried in rat's urine. To highlight the issue, Keep Britain Tidy launched a cinema advert entitled "How close do you want them to get?" The ad culminates in a shocking image of a young woman sleeping in a bed of rats - echoing the nightmare scenario from James Herbert's classic horror tale The Rats, in which mutant rodents begin to prey on humans.
吃剩快餐贻鼠患
一个环保组织发出警告：由于越来越多的人把吃剩的快餐扔在大街上，英国的老鼠数量正在急剧上升。“保持英国清洁”组织说，人们抛弃的汉堡包、比萨饼和土豆条残渣正在诱使习惯在地下活动的鼠类转而到大街上漫步。“老鼠数量正在增长，很快在街上看到老鼠就会和看到猫狗一样平常，”该组织负责人苏-尼尔森说。老鼠增多的背后是往大街上而不是垃圾箱里乱扔快餐垃圾和残渣的行为--年轻人是其中的罪魁祸首。根据2001年的国家鼠类调查，英国的老鼠数量自1998年来增长了将近?，目前估计为6千万只，比英国人口还多2百万。老鼠平均每24至28天就可生产一次，仅仅一对老鼠一年就能繁殖出一个2000只的鼠群。每年大约有200个英国人感染威尔氏症--一种能导致肾或肝功能衰竭直至死亡的传染病，病源在老鼠的尿液中。为引起人们对这一问题的注意，“保持英国清洁”推出了名为“你希望它们靠得多近？”的影院宣传片。宣传片的高潮是一幅令人震惊的画面：一个年轻妇女睡在一张满是老鼠的床上--这是对詹姆斯-赫伯特的经典恐怖故事《老鼠》中梦魇般的景象的模拟。在那个故事中，变异的老鼠开始捕食人类。
A man was selling medicines at a fair。 At first he sold bottles of a cure for colds for just a dollar a bottle。
Many people wanted to buy it and the man‘s young assistant moved quickly through the crowd collecting money and handing out bottles of the cold cure。
Then， when he had a big crowd， the man held up a very small bottle。
And now， ladies and gentlemen， he shouted。 here is the medicine you have been waiting for。 The cure for old age。 Drink just one bottle of this and you will live forever。
And， ladies and gentlemen， the man continued， I‘m not going to charge you a hundred dollars a bottle for this wonderful medicine。 I‘m not going to charge you fifty dollars a bottle。 I‘m not going to charge you twenty five dollars a bottle。 No， ladies and gentlemen， I‘m going to charge you just ten dollars a bottle。 Think， my friends， for ten dollars you can live forever。
Most of the people in the crowd did not believe this。
One person shouted， if it will make you live forever， why don‘t you drink it？
Then another person cried ， Yes， you look as if you‘re at least sixty years old。
Thank you， sir， thank you， the man replied， I‘m so glad you said that。 My real age is three hundred and twenty nine。
The crowd laughed at this but there were still a few people who wanted to believe the man。 One of them spoke to the man‘s assistant as she passed by。 Is that true， he asked， that he‘s three hundred and twenty－nine？
Don‘t ask me， the assistant said， I‘ve only worked for him for a hundred and fifty years
兔子跟街上走着，迎面碰上了老狼。老狼伸手就给他一大嘴巴，“让你丫不戴帽子”。
兔子很郁闷地回家了，弄一帽子戴着。
第二天又碰上老狼了，又挨了一大嘴巴，“让你丫戴帽子”。
如是几次，总挨打。兔子想，这么老挨打不是个事儿啊，不行，我得找老虎投诉去。
刚到老虎家门口，就听老虎在屋里说话。
“你也不能老这么蛮不讲理打兔子阿，回头兔子找我投诉来，我也不好罩着你啊。好歹咱面子上得过得去，我教你一招。
下回你见着兔子，跟他说：给我弄点儿洗衣服的来。他给你拿肥皂来，你就打他一顿的，说我要的是洗衣粉，谁让你拿肥皂。他拿来洗衣粉，你也能打，说我要肥皂，谁让你拿洗衣粉。
要不然你跟他说，去，给我找个女人来。他给你找个胖的，你打他一顿说我要瘦的；给你找个瘦的，你也打一顿，说我要胖的。
这样不结了，你也能打他，我面子上也能说得过去。”
兔子一听，得，咱也别投诉了，回家吧。
第二天，兔子在街上又撞上老狼。老狼大喝一声：去，给我找点儿洗衣服的来。
兔子不慌不忙：你是要洗衣粉阿，还是要肥皂啊？
老狼一听，嗯？有一手阿。又说：去，给我找个女人来。
兔子还是不慌不忙：你是要胖的啊，还是瘦的？
老狼一听勃然大怒，伸手就给兔子一个大嘴巴，
让你丫不戴帽子
