中式英语：

昨天来了个老外，进到办公室，前台小姐左看右看，大家都在打游戏，只有自己比较清闲，就 面带微笑的：
前台小姐：“hello?”
老外：“hi.”
前台小姐：“you have what thing?”
老外：“can you speak English? ”
前台小姐：“if I not speak English, I am speaking what?”　
老外：“can anybody else speak English? ”
前台小姐：“you yourself look. all people are playing, no people
have time, you can wait, you wait, you not wait, you go.”
老外：“good heavens. anybody here can speak English?”
前台小姐：“ shout what shout, quiet a little, you on earth have what thing.”
老外：“I want to speak to your head.”
前台小姐：“head not zai.you tomorrow come.”

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http://zhidao.baidu.com/question/48583559.html?si=1

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A teacher said to her class:

"Who was the first man?"

“George Washington," a little boy shouted promptly.

"How do you make out that George Washington was the first man?" asked the teacher, smiling indulgently.

"Because, " said the little boy, "he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen."

But at this point a larger boy held up his hand.

"Well," said the teacher to him, "who do you think was the first man?"

"I don't know what his name was," said the larger boy, "but I know it wasn't George Washington, ma'am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him."

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One day the police went hunting with friends, all of a sudden, he saw a deer, so he's around to it quietly behind him, raised his gun and shouted: "No move, raise their hands, or I on the shot! "

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The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫很老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。 于是，老妇很生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了很多年，而且还愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情 。”

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Hospitality
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving anapple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest'plate .The visitor smailed ,put the cheese into his mouth and then said:"You musst have better eyes than your mother sonny. Where did you find the theese ?" "In the rat-trap ,sir," replied the boy.