The Mean Man's Party
吝啬鬼的聚会

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-handed, are you?"

一个声名狼藉的小气鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么我要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“天哪！” 吝啬鬼回答，“你总不会空着手来吧？”

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an old soldier often told his garden about his past war exploits.
"once i met with a dozen enemy sol-diers and took them prisoners singlehand-ed."
"it was half a dozen enemy soldiers when you told me the story last year.but why have you added so many more this time?"
"you silly lad.you were younger last year,and i was afraid to frighten you."



while wisiting the cemetery,a sorrowful couple noticed a headstone,which read,"here lies a lawyer and a honest nan"."look at that",the woman said,"money's so tight they're putting then two in a grave."

lawyer jokes :

a man visiting a graveyard saw a tombstone that read, "here lies john kelly, a lawyer and an honest man." "how about that!" he exclaimed. "they've got three people buried in one grave."


these are from a book called disorder in the court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
now published by
court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.