The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

Excuse for Speeding

Excuse for Speeding
Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

〃Why on earth were you driving so fast？〃 the policeman yelled.

〃Our brakes are no good-so we wanted to get there before we had an accident！〃

超速的理由

哈里与劳埃德超速行驶，一辆警车拦住了他们。

“你们为什么开那么快？”警官喊道。

“我们的刹车不好，因此我们想在发生事故前赶紧到达目的地。”

A: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
B: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.

A:猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？
B:猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。

A:Which is the strongest creature in the world?
B: The snail. It carries its house on its back.

A:世界上最强壮的动物是什么?
B:蜗牛.因为它可以把自己的房子放在背上.

A: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
B: Keep him awake.

A:怎样才能不让梦游者梦游呢？
B:不让他睡觉.

He is really somebody

-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.

-- He is really somebody. What does he do?

-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.

他真是一个大人物

-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。

-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？

-- 墓地守墓人。

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.

At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."

它们是从美国直接带来的

一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。

这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”

my little dog can't read

Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!

Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!

Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.

我的狗不识字

布朗夫人：哦，

亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！

史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！

布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”

Bring me the winner

-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.

-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.

-- Well, bring me the winner then.

给我那个打赢的吧

-- 服务员，

这个龙虾只有一只爪。

-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。

-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。

One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

一天，有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村，在乡间路上开着车，想看看农庄是什么样子，也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在宅后的草地上，手中抱着一头猪，并把它举得高高的，好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说，"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的，但是，这不是很浪费时间吗?"那位农夫回答说，"时间对猪有什么意义?"

Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

哲理小故事
The early years has a rightness of young men the matrimony in Alaska place in the United States, growing after getting married, his wife dies because I am difficult to produce, leaving one kid.
His favour life, and then be occupied in watching the house, because no one helps to look after child, train a dog, that dog cleverness obedient, can look after a kid, bite 著 milk bottle to nurse with milk to drink for kid, bring up a kid.
One day, the host go out go to, call it look after a kid.
He arrived another country, can't come back on that day because of meeting heavy snow.The second genius rush through to go home, the dog hears noise to greet host immediately.He opens an of doors to see, is a blood everywhere, raise head on hoping, is also a blood on the bed, the kid is missing, the dog is nearby and readily ising also a blood, the host discover this kind of situation, think the dog goes into action, eating up a kid, having a fit under, picked up knife come to once the 著 dog's head split, killing a dog.
Hear the kid's voice after and suddenly, and then see him descend to climb to come out from the bed, the 於 is to start to embrace a kid;Although the body contain blood, do not get hurt.
He is very strange, don't know to is what happened actually, seeing again a dog body, the meat of the leg had no, having a wolf side, the inside of still bites the meat of dog;The dog saved little host, but was killed one by mistake by the host, this was really the most astonishing misconstruction of world.
Note:Misunderstand of matter is a person usually Be doing not understand, have no rational, impatience, be in need of a thinking and can not make allowance for the other party in many ways, self-reflection oneself, the affection extremely excites of circumstance under take place.
Misunderstand in the beginning, namely always thoughted of the other party of thousand wrong ten thousand wrong;Therefore will make to misunderstand to sink more more deep, make not
人生哲理故事之二《钉子》

有一个男孩有著很坏的脾气，于是他的父亲就给了他一袋钉子；并且告诉他，每当他发脾气的时候就钉一根钉子在后院的围篱上。
第一天，这个男孩钉下了37根钉子。慢慢地每天钉下的数量减少了。
他发现控制自己的脾气要比钉下那些钉子来得容易些。
终于有一天这个男孩再也不会失去耐性乱发脾气，他告诉他的父亲这件事，父亲告诉他，现在开始每当他能控制自己的脾气的时候，就拔出一根钉子。
一天天地过去了，最后男孩告诉他的父亲，他终于把所有钉子都拔出来了。
父亲握着他的手来到后院说：你做得很好，我的好孩子。但是看看那些围篱上的洞，这些围篱将永远不能回复成从前。你生气的时候说的话将像这些钉子一样留下疤痕。如果你拿刀子捅别人一刀，不管你说了多少次对不起，那个伤口将永远存在。话语的伤痛就像真实的伤痛一样令人无法承受。
注：人与人之间常常因为一些彼此无法释怀的坚持，而造成永远的伤害。如果我们都能从自己做起，开始宽容地看待他人，相信你一定能收到许多意想不到的结果....帮别人开启一扇窗，也就是让自己看到更完整的天空....

Angel
Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born.
One day the child asked God: "They tell me you are going to send me to earth tomorrow but
how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?"
God replied: "Among the many angels, I have chosen one for you. She will be waiting for
you and will take care of you."
"But, " said the child: "tell me here in Heaven I don‘t anything else but sing and smile.
That‘s what I need to be happy!"
God said: "Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will
feel your angel‘s love and be happy."
"And," said the child: "how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, If
I don‘t know the language that men talk?"
"That‘s easy", said God: "Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words
you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak."
The child looked up at God saying: "And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?"
God smiled at the child saying: "Your angel will Place your hands together and will
teach you how to pray."
The child said: "I‘ve heard on earth there are bad men. Who will Protect me?"
God put his arm around the child, saying: "Your angel will defend you - even if it means
risking life!"
The child looked sad, saying: "But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore."
God hugged the child: "Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you
the way to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you."
At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be
heard.
The child, in a hurry, asked softly: "Oh God, if I am about to leave now Please tell my
Angel’s name!"
God replied: "Your angel‘s name is of no importance...you will simply call her MOMMY!"
有一个婴儿即将出生。
一天，这个小孩问上帝，“他们告诉我明天你将要把我送到地球，不过为什么我在那儿会那么小和无助呢？”
上帝说，“在所有的天使之中，我已经选中了一个给你。她将会等待你和照顾你。”

“不过”，小孩问了，“请告诉我－－在天堂我除了歌唱和微笑之外什么都不做。这些是我快乐所需要的！”
上帝说，“你的天使每天将会为你歌唱和微笑。你将会感受到你的天使的爱，你会感到快乐。”

“还有”，小孩又问了，“如果我不懂他们说的语言，当人们对我说话的时候我怎样才会理解呢？”

“这很简单，”上帝说，“你的天使将教会你语言中最美丽和最甜蜜的词语，带着最大的耐心和关怀，你的天使将教会你怎样说话。

小孩抬头看着上帝说，“我想和你说话的时候我该怎么做呢？”

上帝微笑着对小孩说，“你的天使会把你的双手放在一起然后教会你怎样祈祷。”

小孩说，“我听说地球上有坏人，谁将会保护我呢？”

上帝把手放在小孩身上，说，“你的天使将会保护你，甚至会冒生命的危险！”

小孩看起来有些悲伤，他说，“我将会一直感到悲伤因为我再也看不到你了。”

上帝拥抱着小孩。“你的天使以后会一直跟你说有关我的事情，还会教你回到我身边的方法，虽说我一直与你同在。”

在这一刻小孩在天堂感到了无比的安详，不过已经可以听到从地球传来的声音。。。。

小孩有点急促，温柔的问“上帝啊，如果我现在将要离开，请告诉我我的天使的名字！”

上帝回答说，你的天使的名字并不那么重要，你可以简单的叫她—— “妈妈”。

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　　good boy

little robert asked his mother for two cents. "what did you do with the money i gave you yesterday?"
"i gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
"you're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "here are two cents more. but why are you so interested in the old woman?"
"she is the one who sells the candy."

---

　　有个故事叫寻找丢失的一角,你要是讲的话可以借鉴一下:

他是一个圆，可他丢失了属于自己的一角，
缺了一角，他很不快乐，于是动身去寻找那失落的一角，它唱着歌向前滚动，有时候要忍受日晒，有时候冰雪把它冻僵了，它因为缺了一角，不能滚得太快，有时候停下来跟小虫说话，或者闻闻花香，有时候蝴蝶站在它头上跳舞......它渡过大洋，穿过森林和沼泽，他找到很多失落的一角，可是有些太小了，有些又太大了，有些太尖了，有些又太钝了......后来它终于找到刚刚好的一角，合适极了！它很高兴，因为再不缺少什么，它滚得很快，从来也没有这么快，快得停不下来，不能跟小虫说话了，也不能闻闻花香，快得蝴蝶也不能在它身上落脚了......后来它累了，它把那一角轻轻放了下来，从容地走开......

我们都在寻找那一个适合自己的角，仿佛用它填补了自己生命的空白后就会得到幸福和完美，但是往往忘记了旅途中的艰辛，快乐，从容，痛苦才是完满......

所以，朋友，就算你找到了那一个角，也不要紧紧的抓住不放，不妨试着轻轻的松开紧张的手，让他（她）和你一起去体会旅途的愉快，彼此多留些距离......

三个问题:你可以看你自己的侧重点,你是想向大家展示些什么?
比如:
1听完了这个故事,你想到了什么?
2成熟意味着什么?
3如何面对自己生命的缺口?
回答不是固定的,因为每个人听完故事,都有自己能体会到的东西,你需要去聆听他们的想法,回答不代表是答案,而是你们互相学习互相增长见识的方式,所以答案无法给出

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　　Who's More Polite?

A fat man and a skinny man were arguing about who was the more polite. The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. But the fat man knew he was more courteous because, whenever he got up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.

谁更有礼貌？

一个胖子和一个瘦子在争论谁更有礼貌。瘦子说他更有礼貌，因为他经常对女士摘帽示意。但是胖子认为他更有风度，因为无论什么时候他在车上给别人让座时，总有两位女士能坐下。

---

　　Dead Kitty

Once there was a man named Jim, who let his dog out to relieve himself late one night. He watched some TV, and then remembered to let the dog back in. When he opened the door, he was shocked at what he saw! In his dog's mouth was his neighbor's cat, dead! "Bad dog! BAD DOG!", said the panicked man.

He took the cat away and looked at it. He couldn't bring himself to tell his neighbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbour's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt.

It took him forever. He had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed it's beautiful white fur as he blow dried it, and put it's collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door.

The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his neighbor was outside.

"Hi," he said. "Hi," replied Jim, nervously. His neighbor said, "something weird happened last night."

"Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now.

"Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"