I'll See to the Rest其余的事由我负责
　　A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。
　　"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”
　　"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye," she called back.“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。
　　"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。”

---

　　How much English can you speak?
"Your Honor, I want to bring to your attention how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in New York City a week ago and barely knew his way around. What's more, he only speaks a few words of English."
The judge looked at the defendant and asked, "How much English can you speak?"
The defendant looked up and said, "Give me your wallet!"
中文翻译
"法官先生，我的当事人被指控偷窃，这是多么不公正啊。他一周前才来到纽约，几乎不认路。而且，他只会说几个英语单词。"
法官看了看被告，问道："你会说多少英文？"
被告抬起头，说："把你的钱包给我！"

"Tom, what's the matter with your brother?" asked the mother in the kitchen. "He's crying."
"Oh, nothing, Mum," replied Tom. "I'm eating my cake. He is crying because I won't give him any."
"But has he finished his own cake?"
"Yes." said Tom. "And he also cried when I was helping him finish that."
"汤姆，你弟弟怎么了？" 妈妈在厨房里问。"他在哭。"
"没事儿，妈妈，" 汤姆答道。"我在吃我的蛋糕。他哭是因为我不给他吃。"
"他已经吃完自己的了么？"
"是的。" "我帮他吃完时，他也哭了。"

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told if I made ugly faces, my face would freeze and stay like that". Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
史密斯小姐发现她的一名学生在操场上向别人做鬼脸，便去轻责他。
这位主日学校的老师甜甜地微笑着，说："博比，我小的时候，有人告诉我如果我做鬼脸，我的脸就会僵硬，永远都那么丑。"
博比抬头看了看老师，说："史密斯小姐，你可别说没人警告过你啊。"

---

　　the thirsty pigeon
口渴的鸽子

a pigeon, oppressed by excessive thirst, saw a goblet of water painted on a
signboard. not supposing it to be only a picture, she flew towards it with a loud
whir and unwittingly dashed against the signboard, jarring herself terribly.
having broken her wings by the blow, she fell to the ground, and was caught
by one of the bystanders.

zeal should not outrun discretion.

有只鸽子口渴得很难受，
看见画板上画着一个水瓶，
以为是真的。
他立刻呼呼地
猛飞过

去，不料一头碰撞在画板上，折断了翅膀，摔在地上，被人轻易地捉住
了。

这是说，有些人想急于得到所需的东西，一时冲动，草率从事，就会身遭
不幸。

---

　　"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?”
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。“

---

　　1. Why is he howling
Dentist:Please stop howling.I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient:I know ,but you are standing on my foot!
他为啥喊疼
牙医：请你不要再喊了！我还没碰你的牙呢。
病人：我知道，可是你正踩着我的脚呀！
2. A driver
A man drives his car at 130 miles per hour on the road.He is stopped by a traffic police.“Sorry,officer,”says the driver .“Am I driving too fast?”“No,sir.You are fiying too slow.”the traffic police answered.
司机
某人开车以每小时130英里的速度在公路上行驶，被交警拦住了，“对不起，警官，”司机说，“我是不是开得太快了？”“不，先生，你是飞得太慢了。”交警回答道。

希望能帮得到你。