1,Two birls

Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?

Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.

Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.

两只鸟

老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？

学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。

老师：请说说看。

学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。

2. The Fish Net

"Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?"

"A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl.

鱼网

"你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。

"把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。

3. The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.

"I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."

新老师

9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。

"乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。

"妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。"

4. A physics Examination

Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard.

The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls?

Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears.

一次物理考试

在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。

这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？

尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后

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　　以下都是网上粘贴的仅供参考：1、today i and friends of foreign travel, outside air is very good, people feel very comfortable. we all appreciate the fine girls bicycles. we enjoyed the beautiful nature brought. we happily spent a happy day. 今天和朋友一起出外交游，外面的空气很好，人感觉很舒服。我们骑着自行车一路欣赏鸟语花香。享受着大自然带给我们的无限美好。大家开开心心地度过了愉快的一天。
2、today mailehaoduo clothes, and parents take to the streets is happy, the parents have to pay to buy things. unlike in their street to buy things they like to take a long time but saw the price, ha-ha, is really very happy. i love my parents, i too thank them for the care and love.
今天买了好多衣服，和父母上街就是愉快，买东西有父母帮付钱。不像平时自己上街买东西碰到喜欢的但看了价钱都要考虑好久，呵呵，真的是很开心。我爱我的父母，太感谢他们对我的关心和爱戴了。
3、flute " robinson crusoe " of good fortune, novelist of british, describe protagonist drift about on the island, overcome the difficulty, the legend story of pioneering an enterprise with painstaking efforts. novel write true naturally, legendary. the protagonist plants the crops on the detached island, puts up the log cabin, has eaten the innumerable trials and tribulations, survive. want, go back human world anxious, want to go how about go out of these damnable place only like make him to be fascinated, result fail, get back to, long separated for britain for 28 year give me enlightenment by " robinson's records of adventure " on 1868 year finally, tanacity of him let me wait for a chance to cause trouble, want, march toward another goal for life, look like robinson like that spend one's own strength,reach ideal realm one's own. we need possess robinson so spirit of struggle diligently.
英国小说家笛福的《鲁滨逊漂流记》描述了主人公漂流海岛,战胜困难,艰苦创业的传奇故事. 小说写得真实自然,富有传奇色彩.主人公在孤岛上种庄稼,搭木屋,吃了千辛万苦,生存下来.但想回人间的心切,使他着迷般地只想到如何走出这个鬼地方,结果还是失败了,最后于1868年回到阔别28年的英国
《鲁滨孙漂流记》给我以启示，他的顽强让我蠢蠢欲动，想要迈向人生的另一目标，像鲁滨孙那样用自己的力量，到达自己理想的境界。
我们需要具备鲁滨逊那样的刻苦奋斗的精神.
4、the world's greatest swordsman
at an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. a fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. the crowd cheered. then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. a hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.
his blade came down in a mighty arc - but the insect continued on its way! the crowd was aghast. the greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile.
"why are you so happy?" someone yelled. "you missed!"
"ah," replied the swordsman, "you weren't watching very carefully. they fly lives, yes - but he will never be a father."
世界上最伟大的击剑手
在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。
他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。
“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”
“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。”
5、a mistake
an american, a scot and a canadian were killed in a car accident. they arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered st. peter explained that there had been a mistake. "give me $500 each," he said, "and i'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened."
"done!" said the american. instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.
"where are the others?" asked a medic.
"last i knew," said the american, "the scot was haggling price, and the canadian was arguing that his government should pay."
搞错了
一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”
“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。
“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。
“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。”
6、pig or witch
a man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. a woman is driving down the same road. as they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells "pig!!" the man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "witch(女巫)!!" they each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road. if only men would listen.
猪还是女巫
一个男人在一条陡峭狭窄的山路上驾车，一个女人相向驾车而来。他们相遇时，那个女的从窗中伸出头来叫到：“猪！！”那个男的立即从窗中伸出头来回敬道：“女巫！！”他们继续前行。这个男的在下一个路口转弯时，撞上了路中间的一头猪。要是这个男的能听懂那个女人的意思就好了。
7、response ability
an ogden, iowa, minister was matching coins with a member of his congregation for a cup of coffee. when asked if that didn't constitute gambling, the minister replied, "it's merely a scientific method of determining just who is going to commit an act of charity."
philosopher bertrand russell, asked if he was willing to die for his beliers, replied: "of course not. after all, i may be wrong."
a newspaper organized a contest for the best answer to the question: "if a fire broke out in the louvre, and if you could only save one painting, which one would you carry out?"
the winning reply was: "the one nearest the exit."
答问技巧
衣阿华州奥格根的一位牧师正在与一位教友为一杯咖啡而猜硬币。别人问他那是否构成赌博行为时，牧师答道：“这仅仅是决定由谁来做一件善事的一种科学方法。”
当我人问哲学家罗素是否愿意为了他的信仰而献身时，他答道：“当然不会。毕竟，我可能会是错的。”
一份报纸组织了一场竞赛，为下面的问题征集最佳答案：“如果卢浮宫起了火，而你只能救出一幅画，你将救出哪一幅？”
获奖的答案是：“最接近门口的那一幅。”
8、jonesie the great lion hunter
a small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. so its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, jonesie, to come and kill the beast.
for several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.
in the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. as they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. there was no sign of the lion.
"what happened, jonesie? where is the lion?" asked the chief.
"forget the damn lion!" he howled. "which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"
伟大的猎手jonesie
有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手jonesie来杀死这只野兽。
猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。
半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。
“jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。
“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”
9、weather predict
a film crew was on location deep in the desert. one day an old indian went up to the director and said, "tomorrow rain." the next day it rained.
a week later, the indian went up to the director and said, "tomorrow storm." the next day there was a hailstorm.
"this indian is incredible," said the director. he told his secretary to hire the indian to predict the weather.
however, after several successful predictions, the old indian didn't show up for two weeks.
finally the director sent for him. "i have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and i'm depending on you. what will the weather be like?"
the indian shrugged his shoulders. "don't know," he said. "radio is broken."
天气预报
一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.
一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.
"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.
几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.
最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"
印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
10、love is the parents is the world's largest love, is in their minds share of family support them, let them come in the heart of the disaster sons and daughters.
kitagawa, may 14, 2008, the parents who struggle with death more than 40 hours after the three-year-old girl song xin yi finally rescued, rescue workers to feed her milk. her parents live in the time, desperate to protect the fragile body of her, until both passing away, also maintained that posture. parents touched by the love of god, let the children saved, small xinyi zaitianzhiling parents can comfort!
爱的力量　　
　　父母之爱莫过于是世界上最大的爱，是他们心中的那份亲情支撑着他们，让他们在灾难来临时心系儿女。
　　北川，2008年5月14日，在父母身下与死神抗争四十多小时后，三岁的小女孩宋欣宜终于获救，救援人员喂她喝牛奶。她的父母在活着的时候，以脆弱的身躯拼死保护着她，直到双双逝去，还保持着那种姿势。父母的爱感动了上天，让孩子得救了，小欣宜父母的在天之灵可以安慰了！

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　　A keen young teacher wanted to introduce students to the glories of classical music,so she arranged an outing to an afternoon concert. to make the occasion even more memorable, she treated everyone to lemonade, cake, chocs and ices. Just as the party was getting back into their coach, she said to little Sally, “have you enjoyed yourself today?”
“Oh,yes ,miss!”said Sally,”It was lvely.All except the music, it was.”
译文：一位热心的年轻的教师想让她的学生多了解一些优秀的古典音乐，就安排了一天下午去听音乐会。为了使这次活动能给大家留下更深的印象，她请大家回来喝柠檬汽水、吃点心、巧克力和冰淇淋。在大家回来上汽车的时候，她问小萨莉：“你今天玩得好吗？”
“哦！好极了，小姐！”小萨莉说，“除了音乐，其他都很好！”
Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
Mrs Brown went to visit one of her friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.

" What's in your box?" asked the friend.

"A cat," answered Mrs Brown. "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm so scared! This cat is to catch them."

"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.

"So is the cat," whispered Mrs Brown.

猫和老鼠

布朗夫人去拜访一位朋友，她拿着一个顶部扎满了小眼儿的盒子。“盒子里装的是什么？”朋友问道。“一只小猫，”布朗夫人回答说，“你知道我晚上睡觉总梦见老鼠，我非常害怕。这只猫可以抓住那些老鼠。”“可老鼠都是假想的呀。”朋友说。“小猫也是假想的。”布朗夫人小声说道。
The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"Let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?"
"I'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "We have worn them off sitting here so long.".
教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”
“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。
“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”