Lucky Mother
A young mother believed that it was very wrong to waste any food when there were
so many hungry people in the world. One evening, she was giving her small
daughterher tea before putting her to bed. First she gave her a slice of fresh
brown bread and butter, but the child said that she did not want it like that.
She asked for some jam on her bread as well.
Her mother looked at her for a few seconds and then said, "When I was a small
girl like you, Lucy, I was always given either bread and butter, or bread and
jam, but never bread with butter and jam.
Lucy looked at her mother for a few moments with pity in her eyes and then said
to her kindly, "Aren't you pleased that you've come to live with us now?"
幸运的母亲
一位年轻的母亲认为，世界上还有许多受饥饿的人，浪费食物真不应该。有天晚上，在安排幼小的女儿睡觉之前，她给女儿喂夜宵。她先给她一片新鲜的黑面包和黄油，但孩子说她不喜欢这样吃。她还要一些果酱涂在面包上。
母亲看了女儿几秒钟，随即说道，“露茜，当我象你一样小的时候，总是吃面包加黄油，或者面包加果酱，从来没有面包既加黄油又加果酱。”
露茜看了母亲一会儿，眼中露出怜悯的神情，然后她柔声说：“您现在能跟我们生活在一起难道不感到高兴吗？”

this alligator isn't wearing any shoes either
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of
genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high
prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the
shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own
alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch
yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself
an alligator.
Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman
standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9
foot alligator swimming quickly toward her.
She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to
the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.
The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on
it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any
shoes either!"
这只鳄鱼也没穿鞋
一个年轻的金发女郎在路易斯安那州的深处旅行。有些道路很糟糕，因此她想要双真正的鳄鱼皮鞋，可是又不愿付出当地卖主开出的高价。
最后，一店主“恕不还价”的态度使她非常沮丧，于是大声嚷道：“也许我该出去亲自抓一只鳄鱼，这样我就能以合理的价格得到一双鳄鱼鞋。”
店主说：“请便吧，朋友。也许你很走运，会弄到一双大的。”
女郎咬咬牙，转身向沼泽地走去，准备亲手抓只鳄鱼。
当天下午，在开车回家的路上，店主看到一个年轻妇女手提猎枪，站在齐腰的水中，这时，他看到一个巨大的9英尺长的鳄鱼向她快速游去。
她举起手，杀死了鳄鱼，费了很大的力气把它拖到岸边。附近还有另外几只死鳄鱼。
店主惊奇地看着。这时，女郎抽打着鳄鱼的后背，失望地叫喊道：“真该死！这只鳄鱼也没有穿鞋。”

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　　耐心的狗
There was a barber in a developing country who had a little shed at the roadside to cut hair, and a certain man used to come in regularly for haircuts. One day he noticed that a dog was always sitting underneath, near the chair where the customers sat for their haircuts. So the man asked the barber, "Is that your dog?" And the barber replied, "No, he always comes every day. It's not my dog. I don't know whose dog it is." Then the customer asked, "So if i t's not your dog, you never feed him, right?" And the barber said, "No." And the customer said, "Then why does he always come here every day?" And the barber answered, "He's waiting in case an ear comes off." A Very Patient Pooch
一处简陋的乡下，一位理发师傅在路边的小棚子帮人理发。有位经常 来理发的男士，注意到有一只狗老是喜欢坐在客人的座椅旁边，于是 他问师傅：那是你的狗吗？师傅答：不，不是我的狗，我不知 道那是谁的狗，不过，它每天都会来。那个客人又问：不是你的狗，那你从来没有喂过它吗？师傅回答：没有。客人又问:那它为什么每天都来？师傅回答：它在等看看有没有耳朵掉下来。

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　　i'm trying to stop it "boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? is it infected?" "no, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so i am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。” pulling tooth “i'm sorry ，madam ，but i shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth .” “twenty dollars! why ，i understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!” “yes ，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office .” “对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。” “是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。” evolution the lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours. then he started again, and said he:"let me ask the evolutionist a question --- if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?" "i'll venture an answer, " said an old lady. "we have worn them off sitting here so long.". 教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？” “我来试试看，”一位老太太说。 “该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。” i'm trying to stop it "boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? is it infected?" "no, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so i am trying to stop it." “孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？” “没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

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　　Marriage Proposal to Bernard Shaw

Once a beautiful and dissolute British actress wrote to propose marriage to Bernard Shaw． She said she did not mindBernard Shaw's old age and ugliness because he was a genius． And if they could combine the beauty of the woman with the talents of the great man，that would be greatly harmonious． “With your wisdom and my appearance，our children must be perfect．”

Bernard Shaw answered，in a letter，that her imagination wassplendid，“But，what if the children take my appearance and yourwisdom？”

向肖伯纳求婚

英国有位美貌风流的女演员，曾写信向肖伯纳求婚。她说，因为他是个天才，她不嫌肖伯纳年迈丑陋。假如能使女郎的美貌和超人的天才结合，那该是多么协调啊。“咱们的后代有你的智慧和我的美貌，那一定是十全十美了。”

肖伯纳给她回了一封信说，她的想象很是美妙，“可是，假如生下的孩子外貌象我，而智慧又象你，那又该怎么办呢？”