1·英语幽默：Second language
A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, "Woof, woof, woof!" The cat was so terrified that it ran for it's life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, "Now, do you understand the value of a second language?"

一只母老鼠带着孩子出来散步，突然她看见一只猫正在灌木丛中虎视耽耽。

母老鼠向着猫叫道：“汪，汪，汪”，猫听了非常害怕，拼命跑走了。

母老鼠回过头洋洋自得的对孩子说：“现在你知道外语的重要性了吧。”
2· 英语小故事——A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. “What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
"I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.
"You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly. “Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?”
"She is the one who sells the candy.”
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”
“她是个卖糖果的。”
2、小学生英语小故事——The Hippo and I
A hippo lives in the zoo. I like him very much. I often go to see him. He often thinks of me, too. Today is Sunday. It is fine today. I go to see him again. After I leave the zoo, he follows me to my house. I give him lettuce, cabbages, bananas, apples and other food. He eats them up. When I sing songs, he stays in the pool. He is as quiet as a rabbit.
In the evening, he jumps onto my bed with me. My mum tells him to go home. He has to pack his bag and go back to the zoo. My mum lets me see him every week.
河马住在动物园里，我很喜欢他。他经常去看它，他也经常想我。
今天是星期日，是个好天气，我又一次去看望它。在我离开动物园之后，他跟随到我的家。我给他莴苣、生菜、香蕉、苹果和其他食物。他都吃了。
当我唱歌是，它待在水池里，像兔子一样安静。
晚上，他跳到床上同我睡觉在一起睡。
妈妈要它回家。它不得不背起包回到动物园。妈妈允许我每周去看它。
3·英语励志名人名言

1、All things in their being are good for something.
天生我才必有用。

2、Difficult circumstances serve as a textbook of life for people.
困难坎坷是人们的生活教科书。

3、Failure is the mother of success.——Thomas Paine
失败乃成功之母。

4、For man is man and master of his fate.
人就是人，是自己命运的主人。

5、The unexamined life is not worth living.——Socrates
混混噩噩的生活不值得过。——苏格拉底

6、None is of freedom or of life deserving unless he daily conquers it anew.——Erasmus
只有每天再度战胜生活并夺取自由的人，才配享受生活的自由。

7、Our destiny offers not the cup of despair, but the chalice of opportunity. So let us seize it, not in fear, but in gladness.——R.M. Nixon
命运给予我们的不是失望之酒，而是机会之杯。因此，让我们毫无畏惧，满心愉 悦地把握命运。——尼克松

8、Living without an aim is like sailing without a compass.——John Ruskin
生活没有目标，犹如航海没有罗盘。-- 罗斯金

9、What makes life dreary is the want of motive.——George Eliot
没有了目的，生活便郁闷无光。——乔治·埃略特

10、Towering genius disdains a beaten path. It seeks regions hitherto unexplored.——Lincoln
卓越的天才不屑走旁人走过的路。他寻找迄今未开拓的地区。

11、There is no such thing as a great talent without great will - power.——Balzac
没有伟大的意志力，便没有雄才大略。——巴尔扎克

12、The good seaman is known in bad weather.
惊涛骇浪，方显英雄本色。（励志名言）

13、Fear not that the life shall come to an end, but rather fear that it shall never have a beginning.——J.H. Newman
不要害怕你的生活将要结束，应该担心你的生活永远不会真正开始。——纽曼

14、Gods determine what you're going to be.——Julius Erving
人生的奋斗目标决定你将成为怎样的人。——欧文

15、An aim in life is the only fortune worth finding.——Robert Louis Stevenson
生活的目标，是唯一值得寻找的财富。-- 史蒂文森

16、While there is life there is hope.
一息若存，希望不灭。——英国谚语

17、Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.——A. Einstein
不要为成功而努力，要为做一个有价值的人而努力。——爱因斯坦

18、You have to believe in yourself. That's the secret of success.——Charles Chaplin
人必须有自信，这是成功的秘密。——卓别林

19、Pursue your object, be it what it will, steadily and indefatigably.
不管追求什么目标，都应坚持不懈。

20、We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.——Mattin Luther King
我们必须接受失望，因为它是有限的，但千万不可失去希望，因为它是无穷的。——马丁·路德·金

21、Energy and persistence conquer all things.——Benjamin Franklin
能量加毅力可以征服一切。——富兰克林

22、Nothing seek, nothing find.
无所求则无所获。

23、Cease to struggle and you cease to live.——Thomas Carlyle
生命不止，奋斗不息。——卡莱尔

24、A thousand-li journey is started by taking the first step.
千里之行，始于足下。

---

　　i came home from work one day to find my wife,jolynn,cradling our six-month-old daughter and repeating,"da-da" how sweet,i though to myself,for her to choose daddy as our baby's first word.

several weeks later,jhlynn and i were wakened by a small voice crying,"da-da".turning over to go back to sleep,my wife said,"she's calling you,dear"

译：一天，我下班回家，发觉我的妻子将我们六个月的女儿轻轻放到摇篮里，而且重复地说着："爸-爸"，呵，多么甜美，我自忖道，她选择教会我们的宝贝的第一个词是："爸-爸"。
几个星期后，妻子和我睡得正香，忽然被小小的哭声给唤醒了，"爸-爸"。。。。我翻个身继续睡。。妻子说了："亲爱的，她正在叫你呢"。

two men were talking at the office rest room.one was telling the other about a fight he'd with his wife."in the end ,"he said,"i had her begging on her knees."
"what did she say？"asked the coworker.
she told me to come out from under the bed.

译：两人正在休息室谈论着。一位正对另一位说起与妻子的一场争斗。他说："最后，我终于成功地迫使她跪下来求我"
另一位很好奇："她怎么求你的？"
"她求我快点从床下爬出来"

sleeping pills

bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night. he went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.

sunday night bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm. he took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: "i didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning."

"that's fine," roared the boss, "but where were you monday and tuesday?"

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。”

“好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”
weather predict

a film crew was on location deep in the desert. one day an old indian went up to the director and said, "tomorrow rain." the next day it rained.

a week later, the indian went up to the director and said, "tomorrow storm." the next day there was a hailstorm.

"this indian is incredible," said the director. he told his secretary to hire the indian to predict the weather.

however, after several successful predictions, the old indian didn't show up for two weeks.

finally the director sent for him. "i have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and i'm depending on you. what will the weather be like?"

the indian shrugged his shoulders. "don't know," he said. "radio is broken."

天气预报

一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作.一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说"明天下雨."第二天果然下雨了.

一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,"明天有风暴."果然,第二天下了雹暴.

"印度人真神,"导演说.他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气.

几次预报都很成功.然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了.

最后,导演派人去把他叫来了."我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,"导演说,"这得靠你了.明天天气如何啊?"

印度人耸了耸肩."我不知道,"印度人说,"收音机坏了."
did you know him?

at a dinner party in the home of friends, our host mentioned his highschool alma mater. one of the guests asked him if he had been a student there at the same time as a particular vice principal.

"i sure was!" answered the host. "he's the biggest jerk i've ever met. did you know him too?"

"sort of," replied the guest. "my mother married him last saturday."

你认识他吗？

在朋友家的一次宴会上，主人提起一位高中时的校友。一位客人问他读书期间，某位副校长是否也在职。

“当然了，”主人答道。“他是我见过的最大的混蛋。你也认识他吗？”

“有点认识，”客人回答。“我妈妈上周六嫁给了他。”
jonesie the great lion hunter

a small village was troubled by a man-eating lion. so its leaders sent a message to the great hunter, jonesie, to come and kill the beast.

for several nights the hunter lay in wait for the lion, but it never appeared. finally, he told the village chief to kill a cow and give him its hide. draping the skin over his shoulders, he went to the pasture to wait for the lion.

in the middle of the night, the villagers woke to the sound of blood-curdling shrieks coming from the pasture. as they carefully approached, they saw the hunter on the ground, groaning in pain. there was no sign of the lion.

"what happened, jonesie? where is the lion?" asked the chief.

"forget the damn lion!" he howled. "which one of you idiots let the bull loose?"

伟大的猎手jonesie

有个小村庄正为一只吃人的狮子而烦恼。于是，村长派人去请伟大的猎手jonesie来杀死这只野兽。

猎手躺着等了几个晚上，但狮子一直没有出现。最后，他要求村长杀只羊然后把头皮给他。把羊皮披在身上后，猎人到草原上去等狮子。

半夜，村民被从草原传来的声嘶力竭的尖叫声惊醒。他们小心地靠近后，看到猎手正躺在草地上痛苦地呻吟。没有狮子出没的蛛丝马迹。

“jonesie，怎么了？狮子在哪？”村长问。

“哪有狮子！”猎人怒吼道，“哪个傻瓜把公牛放出来了？”

first flight

mr. johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, mr. johnson was very worried about accepting. finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and mr. johnson boarded the plane.

his friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. mr. johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

after a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "look at those people down there. they look as small as ants, don't they?"

"those are ants," answered his friend. "we're still on the ground."

第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。”