专治吹老牛逼
Man: If I had opened my mouth, they would have found my four gold teeth, that would be worse.
警察：有人抢了你的手表是，你为什么不呼救呢？
男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗金牙，那就更糟了。
The Old Cat An old woman had a cat. The cat was very old; she could not run quickly, and she could not bite, because she was so old. One day the old cat saw a mouse; she jumped and caught the mouse. But she could not bite it; so the mouse got out of her mouth and ran away, because the cat could not bite it. Then the old woman became very angry because the cat had not killed the mouse. She began to hit the cat. The cat said, "Do not hit your old servant. I have worked for you for many years, and I would work for you still, but I am too old. Do not be unkind to the old, but remember what good work the old did when they were young." 【译文】 老猫 一位老妇有只猫，这只猫特别老，它跑不快了，也咬不了东西，因为它年纪太大了。一天，老猫发现一只老鼠，它跳过去抓这只老鼠，然而，它咬不住这只老鼠。因此，老鼠从它的嘴边溜掉了，因为老猫咬不了它。 于是，老妇特别生气，因为老猫没有把老鼠咬死。她开始打这只猫，猫说：“不要打你的老仆人，我已经为你服务了特别多年，还而且愿意为你效劳，但是，我实在太老了，对年纪大的不要这么无情，要记住老年人在年青时所做过的有益的事情。
情迷已婚男，何去何从？
| ann： | betty,what do you think about bob? |
| 贝蒂，你觉得鲍勃这人怎样？ | |
| betty： | why do you ask this? |
| 为什么这么问？ | |
| ann： | just tell me,please. |
| 你就告诉我吧，求你了。 | |
| betty： | well.he's a good man,i think.what's up? |
| 好吧，我想，他是个不错的男人，怎么了？ | |
| ann： | you really think so?oh,bob really turns me on. |
| 你真的这么想？噢，鲍勃真让我神魂颠倒。 | |
| betty： | wait.it means you fall in love with him? |
| 等等。你是不是爱上他了？ | |
| ann： | yeah,i think so. |
| 嗯，我想是的 | |
| betty： | but i have to tell you something. |
| 但是有件事我得告诉你。 | |
| ann： | what? |
| 什么事？ | |
| betty： | he's already had a wife. |
| 他已经有妻子了。 |
A Sunday school teacher was telling her pupils the importance of making others glad. "Now, children," said she , "has anyone of you ever make someone else glad?"
"Please, teacher,"said a small boy,"I've make someone glad yesterday."
"Well done. Who was that?"
"My granny."
"Good boy. Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad."
"Please, teacher, I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her three hours. Then I said to her, 'Granny, I'm going home,' and she said, 'Well, I'm glad'!"一个主日学校校(基督教教会为了向儿童灌输宗教思想, 在星期天开办的儿童班)的老师在对学生讲使别人高兴的重要性。“现在，孩子们，”她说：“你们当中有谁让别人高兴过？”
“我，老师，”一个小男孩说：“昨天我就使别人高兴过。”
“做得好，是谁呢？”
“我奶奶。”
“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的。”
“是这样的，老师。我昨天去看她，在她那儿呆了三个小时。然后我跟她说：‘奶奶，我要回家了了。’她说：‘啊，我很高兴！
